“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I must tell you that I have read the above quote a gazillion times before. It stands framed in my office for all to see, read and remember who they really are. And yet, on the cusp of launching this blog that has taken me just over two years to birth, these words of Marianne Williamson have me on my knees in gratitude for the timely reminder.
You see, I feel freaking nervous, excited, scared, ready, passionate, overwhelmed and insecure about putting myself out there for all the world to see. So many catastrophic “what-if” scenarios almost had me paralyzed. Procrastination to start writing almost completely jammed up the creativity bursting forth from every cell of my body. My inclination towards unreasonable productivity and perfectionism almost choked off the deep, clear waters of my passion. And my inner critic almost threatened to beat me into a gray, dull passivity.
Almost….
That is until I literally had no other choice but to move forward one baby step at a damn time! I got so sick of the inertia and could no longer ignore the deep and resonant call to be of service that I had to find a way out of the jungle.
Feeling stuck has got to be one of the most insidious and common human experiences of all time. We have all been there, right? Want to know the dastardly culprit to stuckness?
The mind.
Yep, I said it. The mind can f— everything up for us in a big way. My mind had all kinds of wild and dumb stories about why not to start a blog. Check some of them out:
- “You can’t do that, who would want to read it?”
- “Kimberly or Emelie are much better writers than you.”
- “Once you read that book on how to write a blog, research what everyone else is doing etc., then you can start.”
- Oh, and my favorite: “I can’t write.”
These thoughts and many more like it, were so powerful that they created a shit storm of paralyzing emotional experiences such as shame, fear, self-doubt and frustration. This paralysis lasted for way too long. And voila- I was STUCK.
So here’s my 5 step how-to process of how I moved, inch by inch, out of that sucky feeling of stuck into my current and consistent experience of inspired movement forward:
1. Acknowledge the “stuck.”
Talk about it. Bringing awareness to the stuckness in your life forces you to not only start problem solving, but on a deeper level, also asks that you invite healing to those tender places in you that haven’t been given enough attention or care.
The paradox of feeling stuck is this: it’s just your own system’s wake-up call for you to get clear about where you want to funnel your energies and how best to do that. By acknowledging that you feel stuck, you begin to honor that wonderfully wise intuition of yours that is telling you that change for the better is on the horizon.
When we feel stuck for a long period of time (as defined by you), it’s likely that some part of you got hurt along the way and that hurt never got properly patched up. So, not only is feeling stuck a wake up call about funneling your energies better, it is also an appeal for more physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self care. Best get after it!
2. Gain evidence to the contrary of those wild and dumb stories your mind makes up.
I told you about my stories that kept me stuck, so what are yours? Now that you have written them down (hint: write them down so that you know exactly what you are dealing with), start turning your attention towards finding evidence that knocks those other stories on their ass. And then write these down too!
In other words, I found facts to support the opposite of all the thoughts my mind made up to keep me from pursuing my passion project. And the more that I chose to direct my attention towards positive feedback and nourishing thoughts that challenged the truthfulness of those stories, the more confirmation I received to help me move forward.
3. Ask for help
Let me tell you that this one step, asking for help, made me feel so vulnerable and freaked out that I almost didn’t do it. If you’re like me, asking for help is like sunlight for a vampire- no can do. I am definitely going to write another post about this but until then, trust me when I tell you, if you don’t ask, you can’t receive.
Don’t you think that if you could have already overcome the feeling of being stuck, you would have? Independence is an over-rated concept. We all need help at one time or another. And if you have ever helped someone in need, hasn’t it felt pretty damn good?
Ask for help, and I promise you that help, support, guidance and love will come for you. You will be floored by the positive results that asking for help brings, no doubt about it.
4. Forgive yourself for everything.
Again, this step is a whole ‘nother blog post I promise to expand upon. This step is deep and powerful yet surprisingly simple in execution. It looks like this:
- Place your hand on your heart
- Say out loud or to yourself: “I forgive myself for__________ (fill in the blank).” Examples: lying, not knowing, making a mistake, getting angry…
- Now repeat every day until you feel forgiven
The definition of forgive is to “stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw or mistake.” Imagine letting go of anger for yourself and stepping into something much more gentle, peaceful and calm. Can you say, “Ahhhhhhhh?”
5. Take intentional “baby step” actions every single day.
Love = Action, period. If you’re reading this post, there is your baby step for the day. If you have acknowledged your stuckness, bam! another baby step action. See how easily you can take action?
The actions you take don’t just have to be behavioral ones: they can be setting an intention, noticing how hopeful you feel right now, choosing to direct your thoughts towards greener pastures and more. Know that all your actions add up over time and the payoff is pure magnificence!
So, there you have it. My tried and true “tested” method for finding your way out of the Jungle of Stuck.
Please leave a comment below and share it with everyone you know. I would love to know how this post impacted you.
You rock!
M.